Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize