Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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