You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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