I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize