think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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