God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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