i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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