just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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