he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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