Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize