I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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