Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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