Im at strip club and am horny
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
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you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize