I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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