i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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