At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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