i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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