So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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