so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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