awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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