It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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