My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize