When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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