I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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