I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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