The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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