hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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