Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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