The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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