At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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