Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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