my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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