So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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