I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
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Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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