dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize