we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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