what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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