Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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