ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize