Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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