Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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