mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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