there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
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