Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
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Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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