I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize