saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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