so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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