White coat. Heels.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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