If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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