I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize